30 April 2017

The Ups and Downs

We shall start with the biggest Up and Down of them all, my Big Boy aka Bear.  Since he hasn’t been eating much I didn’t anticipate any movements to take place.  He’s been urinating well.  I can tell he has been uncomfortable.  Being stopped up is no fun, it’s happened to me a couple times.  Giving him the appetite stimulant on Friday morning and stopping in the evening to pick up food was the right thing to do.  He was hungry when I got home and told me all about it until I was able to place some food in front of him.  He did his usual trick of eating some, asking for something else.  I am starting to wonder if that is ever going to end, it’s fucking annoying as hell.  What did I ever do to deserve this?  Considering the fact that he was eating more I suspected that it was only a matter of time before he had to go.  I kept telling them that I was going to use the other half of the treatment they sent me home with.  I’d push back the deadline with the hopes that delaying would be the right thing.  I am pleased as punch to report he went last night.  Not much and it looked very bad but he went.  I’d rather him go on his own accord rather than forcing the issue.  I mean if I have to I will but it’s not something that I really want to do.  My grandfather became dependent on laxatives and the like.  It wasn’t a pretty picture so that is partially to blame for my apprehension.  If it gets to the point where I am dictating when Big Boy goes to the bathroom, it’s time to make a hard choice.  I was so pleased with him, I had given him his regular medicine moments before and was pushing on him in the hopes it would motivate him.  Looks like it did the trick!  He slept with me last night and has for the past few nights.  I know he’s got to be scared but he seems to relax and unwind just knowing that I am there to watch over him. 

Momma was the one who pried me away from my computer last night.  It was about normal time for bed and she let me have it.  I was okay to watch TV but she knew that I shouldn’t be pounding away on my keyboard.  Funny how they get to know your routine and develop their own as well. 

It’s been raining non stop here since Friday.  Flash Flood Warnings are in effect.  We had a gully washer roll through last night.  The rain is not expected to stop until tomorrow.  Lots of people have flooded basements, roads are closed and it’s just a general issue for everyone.  Nothing we haven’t been through before.  I could probably commute faster if I had an Arc, where is Noah when you need him?  Seriously, it’s a non issue for me at this point.  It hasn’t impacted my travels or my home.  My poor sump pump has been running forever, I just hope it doesn’t give out.  Like everything and everyone in this house, it’s old, so it’s anyone’s guess. 

This morning I wore my gay pride flag shirt out.  I found that I was treated differently when I went to grab my breakfast.  One of the many waiters I have a crush on was very short with me, polite to a degree but he didn’t give me much time.  Sure I wanted to ravage his body and do unspeakable things to him but it doesn’t mean I was going to act on my desire, just because today I chose to assert and show that I am gay.  Because of that I gave him a smaller tip that normal.  I’ll save the big tip for the guys who can handle it!  One of the waitresses did a double take on my shirt.  Later she came back by to tell me how much she really liked it.  I didn’t have any issues at the grocery store.  It’s normal for me to get feedback when I wear the shirt so it wasn’t anything that I didn’t expect.  I’ve never felt that I was treated differently when wearing it until today. 

Grocery Shopping is a task that I dislike, it’s abysmal when it’s raining.  Everything gets wet, your rushing so you can get dry and that’s when things can go really wrong.  Thankfully everything went okay for me and I lived but it was not an enjoyable experience.  I arrived home and as soon as I opened the door, there was my Big Boy looking right at me.  We were both pleased to see the other one.  As I was unpacking the groceries he started to vocalize the fact that he was hungry.  I found uneaten food on the floor and put that in front of him.  Eventually he made his way to the kitchen to say hey that wasn’t that bad but now I want attention.  He wouldn’t stop until I picked him up and put him on the couch.  That’s when he let loose and just relaxed.  It’s amazing that I have that affect on him.  He needs my hands and presses his paws up against my hands.  He tickled my palm.  He’s not trying to dig in with his claws but that happens sometimes.  Not enjoyable but I don’t yell at him.  We sat together on the couch and watched a movie.  He would perk up every now and then, something on the wall behind us was moving and of interest to him.  Ants, yes those fucking little monsters.  Not sure where they came from but I got rid of them.  Once I put him back on the floor he of course wanted more food.  I placed his water dish next to him along with some uneaten wet food.  Chow down.  He needs to eat his dry food or my next issue will be a blocked bladder.  Little does he know I have the dry food in wet form so we can work around his finicky pallet.  

I’ve been trapped inside all weekend partially because of the rain and partially because of financial concerns, just trying to save money.  It’s been a little enjoyable but tomorrow it all ends and it’s back to fun at work.  Plus I will be on-call.  Not looking forward to that but it comes with the job.  Thought about going in yesterday and even today to rearrange my cube but decided against it.  I’m fighting with myself and it’s not fun.  Part of me wants to give something new a try and the other part of me says leave it all alone.  Until I try what I have in mind I won’t know what I like best. 

The dating apps are still grabbing my attention.  I’ve taken so many chances on guys but no luck thus far.  After this week the subscriptions will start to end and that is when I will be taking a break or so that is the plan.  We shall see how I feel about it when the time comes to pass. 

Starting a new month tomorrow.  I’ve already flipped all of the calendars and on my men calendars there isn’t a single guy that is remotely attractive for May, it happens.  Hard to believe the year is getting close to being half way over with.  Time seems to be picking up and moving faster the older I get.  While it’s no secret that I haven’t been happy in a very long time, I hope that before the year is done that I can find some much needed happiness and maybe a special guy to go with it.  It’s not from lack of trying but I realize that I have limited myself to an electronic format.  In person would be better but I am not a bar type person, it’s a little more daunting to break the ice but most people won’t ignore you in person and you can quickly tell if there is interest.

Hoping the week ahead is all good with no bad not only for me but for you too.  I think Big Boy is out of the woods for the most part but I am still cautiously optimistic.  The immediate scare is over.  Lets hope he continues to go to the bathroom on his own and return to more of his normal self.  He’s to no more cat problems for a few years, hope that wish comes true!  Talk with you all again soon.

26 April 2017

Here Today … Gone Tomorrow

Yesterday and today have been very trying days for me.  First, I requested some documentation that I was entitled to from my car attorney and because of that they withdrew from my case.  We had an offer on the table and were about to settle and presto it all vaporized before my eyes.  As you can well imagine that pissed me off and I was very angry.  It’s obvious that they are trying to hide or cover something up and I suspect if I found out that I would have a better case than what I have at present for malpractice.  I am taking steps to remediate this and also get my money.  If I need to I will hire another attorney but really don’t want to.  If I can take care of it on my own, then I don’t have to share my money with anyone and that is music to my ears.

This morning I was about to walk out the door when I noticed Bear in distress.  He kept trying to go to the bathroom but nothing was coming out.  I opted to stay home and forego work even though I would have rather been there.  My family comes first.  I took a couple minutes to let everyone at work know that I would be out for the day.  I came back upstairs and there it was, he went to the bathroom.  I figured crisis averted.  Nope he was just resting.  It started up again and I called the vet.  Of course as soon as I hung up the phone, he went to the bathroom.  Now I was on the fence about what to do.  He’s had these spells before and I just give him some stool softener and he is fine.  I opted to go to the vet.  Found out that they give cats enemas when they think they are constipated.  They tried to get me to sign up for blood work, claiming there was a mass in his neck and it’s likely Thyroid related.  I decided to skip that because if he has Thyroid problems they won’t prescribe his steroid which is what is keeping him alive, well that and God.  If the Thyroid came back normal then we would have the Cancer issue to deal with again and this time it wouldn’t be invisible.  Unless it’s a dire emergency and I am delusional about the outcome, no one is ever cutting on him again. 

Now the fun part.  They gave him the enema and I said so are we waiting.  The technician said if you want to I can get him a litter box.  I was like no, let’s let him shit all over your counter.  She did.  I didn’t bother to clean it up, they charged me a biohazard fee so I figured they were paid to clean it up.  A biohazard fee of all things, they claim it’s for OSHA compliance.  Sounds like bullshit to me.  He went some more when we got home.  He was so stressed out he started throwing up.  Poor guy I felt bad for him.  The sadder part of this story is that he now only weights 22 pounds.  That is quite a bit of weight loss for him.  So it sounds like something is going on.  I feel the end is fast approaching but I am cautiously optimistic.  He’s still being picky about what he wants to eat.  I think in general he doesn’t feel that well but he is putting on a brave front for me.  I am watching him closer than normal and hope that I am not faced with making a decision about ending his life.  I told the vet all of my cats worry me but I am most concerned about him, he’s been through the ringer.  I wasn’t seeing my regular vet so it was like I was educating a 2 year old who didn’t take time to read his chart.  That wasn’t much fun either.

I did get some time to take care of my issues with the car attorney and the steps I am taking to recover.  I really think that I’m the guy that is uncovering something massive and a law firm that has fucked over hundreds of people.  It’s like stepping on a landmine.  If what I suspect is true hopefully myself along with others will get some compensation for our aggravation.  Only time will tell on that note. 

Need to get the trash ready for tomorrow night.  Going to try to spend some extra time with da Bears and hopefully cheer him up a little bit.  I hated to stress him out and vacuum out my wallet but at the same time I am kind of happy we went over.  He has to feel much better.  They sent me home with 1/2 of the enema to give to him tonight if needed or I can hold it for a later date.  It’s just a syringe filled with some blue liquid that looks like windshield washer fluid.  At least I won’t be going back to work telling people that I had to give my momma an enema, that would sure get them talking.  Everyone knows Bear.  I have a couple co-workers ask about him frequently. 

I hope your Tuesday & Wednesday was much better than mine and didn’t involve any shit.  I just had to say it.  Might as well laugh, it feels way better than crying.  I’ll talk with you all again soon.  Be well.  2 more days until the weekend, ah something to look forward to!!

25 April 2017


We got our gift today at work for appreciation week.  It’s a lunch box, oddly enough something that I was in the market to buy.  It’s not super fancy but it is very nice.  Plus it’s going to save me some money.  I keep my lunch at my desk, something about being in control.  Anyway for those people who put their lunch in the fridge it’s going to be confusing as hell because everyone's bag looks alike.  I’ll be writing my name somewhere on mine just to be different.  Interested in what the rest of the week holds for us.  It’s jeans all week but I haven’t partaken in that yet.  I really like my Dockers they are comfortable, pockets are really roomy and they make me look good.  I really like that last one.

It’s only 3:30p here but it could be 5p, this is the longest day.  Nothing to look forward to watching on TV tonight.  Not terribly happy about that.  I am sure I will find something.  Caught the latest episode of The Circus last night, it was interesting. 

Da Bears is still being a picky guy when it comes to food.  I am not quite sure how to break him of his habit of demanding different food.  I say no but he knows I don’t mean it and that I will give in because I am soft like that.  He’s my baby and I’ll do anything for him.  Spoiled rotten and that is why I need a huge pay raise.  I was thinking about how much money I could save if I didn’t have pets at all.  No food, litter, medicine and water.  That all adds up but there is no price I can put on their companionship.  I guess for the rest of it there is Mastercard, Visa, Discover, AMEX, a 2nd Mortgage on the house, etc.  Point is that it’s only money.

Going to fetch the mail after work, see what fresh hell that brings me and enjoy the rest of my left over food.  Just got some work to do so that will help occupy my time.  Hope your Tuesday is all good.  Talk with you again soon.

24 April 2017


It’s that time again to start yet another week.  I really didn’t want to get out of bed this morning and even contemplated staying home but once I got moving everything was fine.  It was a pretty good weekend I must say.  I’ve got lots of great food to go home to.  I didn’t need to make the casserole but I did and can’t wait for supper. 

It’s administrative professionals week or as other people refer to it as secretary's week.  In years past we have had a catered lunch complete with wait staff.  This year they scaled way back.  We got cup cakes today.  Tomorrow is some gift.  Wednesday were getting a visitor, bet it’s Santa Clause.  Thursday and Friday are food days again with some kind of treat.  I’d rather just have lunch and the gift like we did in years past.  However, they didn’t ask me so I have to play along. 

It’s been a super boring day.  Started off busy enough but now it’s like uh what can I do?  I am waiting for something from a department so I can finish processing a new person that they just told us started today.  Wow, welcome to confusion where we like to do things at the 11th hour.  Fuck I just hate it when things like this happen but they are pretty common place in my position, sad to say. 

Checked on the kids and Bear is trying to hide under the couch.  He’s left his tail and legs out but he’s moving around and changes it up throughout the day.  Still very picky when it comes to eating but he is using the bathroom at least once per day.  I am happy with that but would like to see more urine.  He does scare me but I can honestly say I have done everything I can for him, he’s suffered in pain a little bit in his lifetime but I’ve done my best to make sure that he doesn’t have any pain.  I don’t want any of my kids to be in pain. 

Since were on the subject of kids and pain. Ruth came in last night I was scratching her, she left.  I watched TV.  She came back and started crowing.  I scratched her some more.  I stopped for a second, she moved slightly and the next thing you know she was smacking my hand with her paw.  Gee sensitive little thing. 

The electric blanket is gone and it’s back to just a comforter and top sheet.  Kind of nice but there are moments when I miss the blanket.  It also made it easier for Gator to get under the covers.  She loves to hide to get warm and that blanket is one of her favorite things. 

One day down, 4 more to go.  Looking forward to another weekend, always enjoy time away.  Plus it’s payday this week.  My money is already spent but at least it’s comforting to know that it’s coming so that I can stay in my house another month.

Hope your Monday was good.  Talk with you again soon.

23 April 2017


Well I finished 13 Reasons last night.  I was up until around midnight but was thankful to get through the series.  I wish something like this would have been around when I was in high school.  It would have helped a lot of kids I think.  I don’t recall anyone taking their own life when I was in school.  There was a girl who was murdered on campus, after hours.  There was another kid that I had class with that went home sick and asphyxiated on his own vomit.  There were a few other deaths that took place mostly from disease.  It’s tragic when anyone dies but more so when it’s a young person.  I understand the pain because I have experienced it myself both as a teenager and as an adult.  Throw in the gay factor and that just amps up the pain.  Despite wanting many times to cash out, I am still here. 

Now I am trying to be productive with my day but I just want to go watch more TV and I am going to give in.  I am working on laundry but know that a nap will be coming on soon.  I am pretty much on track for the weekend as it stands. 

I did some research on PrEP which is a medication for HIV negative people to take to build up protection against HIV.  It’s what all of the players, as in guys who have hookups are taking.  It’s interesting how it works.  I decided to see what my insurance would cover if I asked my doctor for it.  Much to my surprise I’ve got good coverage.  90 days would cost me $85.00 but the plan would wind up paying over $213 thousand dollars for a years supply.  That is one freaking expensive medicine.  It’s all because there is no generic and the brand name has a patent.  The manufacture is reaping the profits from it.  Kind of makes me wish I had a medicine to patent.  If you want the medicine an HIV test is mandatory and you have to get tested while your on the drug.  There is a 1% infection rate, meaning that the medicine protects 99% of the guys who take it, but there is still 1% that get infected.  Plus this drug won’t protect you from other STD’s, just HIV.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, 5 minutes of pleasure isn’t worth a lifetime of pain.  I don’t see the need for me to start taking this drug, considering my sexual history consists of self pleasure.  Now if I wanted to start playing the field then it would be a different story.  While it sounds nice to have meaningless sex I think psychologically it would hurt me, especially so if I wanted to be with the same guy but he only wanted a one time fling. 

I swore off technology, with the exception of streaming Netflix from around 10p last night until I woke up this morning.  I powered off my PC and shut my smart phone down.  It was tough I wanted to fiddle with something and check on my on-line dating.  However, the break was refreshing.  It’s something that I force myself to do from time to time.  No one is going to call me, text me or send me anything of importance if I am not on-call for work.  I don’t hide the fact that I don’t have many friends but it’s not something I am proud of either.  I’d love to change that but that may or may not happen. 

Well back to the laundry and my Sunday adventure.  Thought about washing the car but checked the forecast and there is rain in the works.  Why waste money when nature will take care of it for me?  I just wish nature had a spot free rinse.  That would be the best. 

I want to rearrange my desk at work and move everything around.  It would easily take me an hour.  I have thought about going into do that but hell I’ll be there tomorrow.  Plus I have to change my password.  Trying to think up a new password is a challenge and with all of the systems I have to touch that process can be 45 minutes to an hour just to update every system.  I wish more of our systems would use SSO which is known as Single Sign On, meaning you only need 1 password and not 100 passwords.  There is construction taking place today on my normal route to work and the cops have made it clear they will be out in force to make sure no one is speeding.  I am sure I’d get a ticket and rearranging my desk is not worth a speeding ticket.  So like I said back to my Sunday adventure. 

Having left over pizza and also heating up a casserole because there won’t be anything left for a quick dinner on Monday.  I always look forward to Sunday leftovers on a Monday.  It’s like one of the better things to happen on a Monday. 

Talk with you again soon.

22 April 2017

New Obsession

I’ve seen seeing posts about 13 Reasons and didn’t know what it was, until I stumbled across it on Netflix.  From the moment I saw the first episode I was hooked.  It has become my new obsession.  Each episode is one hour and it’s really intense.  This morning I was watching an episode about to fall asleep when something happened and it made me become wide eyed awake.  This is pretty intense and I am eager to see how it all plays out.  Looks like this might be a new series for Netflix they have this labeled as season one.  If this is something that drags on forever I will be sorry that I got involved.  Right now it’s interesting and is evoking a lot of thoughts and emotions from me.  Some good and some bad. 

I did manage to take a break and get my hair cut.  I also talked myself in and out of and then back into going to get pizza.  Saw the cute guy but he didn’t wait on me and I waited far too late in the day to stop by.  The place was packed.  I got something different this time and it was just as enjoyable as my first visit.  Looks like this is my new pizza place and since it’s only a 1/2 hour from home it’s nice to go in a different direction and get a change of scenery.  The car enjoyed the ride as well.  Now if we could get rid of all of the pollen so my black car was actually black instead of covered with this yellow haze.  Ick. 

Big boy was trying my patience this morning and being a shit.  His sister joined in to double team me and then Marv started.  3 against 1 isn’t fair play.  I poured a slight amount of water on Big Boy and that ended the whole damn thing.  He scurried out of my room in disbelief that I did that.  He’s been playing me all week long when it comes to food time.  I have had my fill of it.  He can’t communicate in a language I understand as for what flavor of food will be enjoyable.  We communicate in other ways on other things but that one is a tough one to break through.  Everyone is doing fine and all is forgiven or so I think.

I slept in my late partners bed last night, after watching 13 Reasons it just felt like the right thing to do.  I jabbered away at him before I fell asleep.  I woke up and my shoulders and neck are all messed up.  Maybe that bed isn’t so good for me or maybe I just need new pillows.  Either way I think I will be trying to stick to my own bed tonight.  Might have to kick some kids out but so be it.  I figured I would wake up feeling great. 

Breakfast was eaten by all at home this morning.  I typically go out but thought I would save my money for pizza.  Going out for breakfast tomorrow and doing the usual grocery shopping.  Typical Sunday, oh boy just can’t wait.  I was being sarcastic there. 

Gay dating has been just as trying.  I got liked by two fake profiles.  Guys that I know are porn stars and based in CA but yet the app shows they are within mere miles of me.  Doubtful.  I rejected both and reported them.  Don’t understand why people have to be fake.  I saw a cute younger guy and we matched, started a conversation.  Turns out his profile was fake as well, he was a porn model and allegedly was looking to hook up and then said we could date and he would do whatever I just had to sleep with him tonight.  Yeah, uh no I am not falling for that one.  Go meet someone that I have no idea what they look like because of a fake profile photo.  The next thing you know you’d never hear from me or if you did I would be writing a sad story.  I may look dumb but I am not stupid.  Still looking for Mr. Right but in a few short weeks my subscriptions will all end and then this will come to an abrupt halt or so that is the plan at the moment. 

My grass has been cut each and every week this month.  My contract is for bi-weekly service.  I will admit it looks like having it done every week but it’s something that I just can’t afford.  I thought about saying something but I am going to wait for the bill to arrive, he may catch his mistake and eat it or he could just invoice me for bi weekly service and I will get lucky.  I am hoping for that but realize that I will likely get a bill for all 4 weeks of service, at which point I will protest.  I won’t say this up front but I am willing to pay for 1 extra week but that is as much as I will budge.  It’s not my fault you told your people to do the work when we contracted for something different.  I am also still waiting on the bushes and trees to be trimmed. 

Well off to take care of laundry and then backup stairs to watch the next episode of my obsession.  I still have pie left so might as well have some of that to enjoy with the TV show.  I really hope that I can cram in the rest of the series tonight.  I need to be productive at some point and tomorrow is fine for that. 

Hope all is well in your world.  Take care.

20 April 2017

Dating Frustration

Found 2 guys on Grindr that were appealing.  Reached out to both of them.  One guy answers back tells me he’s sorry but he is seeing someone but he can be my friend.  Okay I can always use another friend.  I responded back and thanked him for his response.  Not sure if I will hear from him again.  It would have been nice if he updated and/or deleted his profile.

This afternoon I got an alert that someone liked me on an app..  I checked him out and chose to match with him.  I got a message within minutes.  Keep in mind my profile on all of the sites I am on, list what I am looking for.  We did the pleasantries and when we got into the conversation he was looking for someone to score with now.  He asked me what I was into.  I told him not a 1 night stand.  That was fine with him.  I wrote back and asked him if that was a deal breaker.  He responded with Kissing, Cuddling and Fucking.  A simple yes would have done just fine.  I didn’t bother to respond and blocked him. 

It is tempting to take some of these guys up on their offers, I mean I’d like a man.  However, 5 minutes of pleasure could easily wind up causing me a lifetime of pain and I don’t have time for that.  Prep is really popular but not something that I want to start on.  I have no reason to be on it and from what I understand once you start taking it, you can’t stop.  You also have to be religious about taking it each and every day.  There are no skip days.  Hell everyone needs a skip day from something or someone. 

This is kind of depressing and makes me want to give up.  I am ready for a break.  People don’t read, aren’t respectful and often don’t respond.  I just don’t get it. 

Last night before I left work I had to use the restroom, when I came back to my desk to get my things to walk out my desk phone was ringing off the hook.  It was the car attorney.  They apparently can’t read English.  I asked for a licensed attorney to deal with going forward.  They had the fuck up for a case manager call me and tell me they want to settle.  Yeah I guess you do, especially since they are likely hiding something from me and I just came right out and told them, that I thought there were multiple ethics violations occurring.  It would be easier to be transparent with me instead of trying to duck and dodge when I ask a question or am looking for documents. I have no plans to return the call.  If I am stuck dealing with this idiot then I prefer everything be in writing that can be letters back and forth or an email, makes no difference to me.  I just don’t trust these people any longer. 

I noticed this morning when it was time to take my morning pills that the T for Thursday slot was empty.  Apparently I took them last night instead of taking my evening pills.  That would explain why my balance is all out of sorts.  I’ve got way too much blood pressure medicine flowing through my system along with other things that are only meant to be taken 1 time a day.  I was flustered with Big Boy last night and apparently my auto pilot instincts were wrong and I inadvertently crashed the plane but didn’t know it until this morning.  Got to be more careful.  I found myself in thought when I was driving in, suddenly I was thrust into reality and became aware of my surroundings.  It was scary because I didn’t remember traveling to where I was.  It was like a time warp.

Speaking of traffic.  Last night I was making a left turn to go home.  It’s at an intersection with traffic lights.  I had the right of way but there is a guy on a trike coming from the other direction.  He notices a gap in traffic and sees that I am about to pull out, so he speeds up with the hope of preventing me from moving.  I called his bluff and even stopped and stared at him for a moment before he had to slow down.  He was pissed and foaming at the mouth.  I just smiled and drove on.  Don’t fuck with me, I should make a bumper sticker and put it on the front and back of my car.  I know that would only serve to entice people but if your going to play with the bull, you have to prepare to get the horns.  We all know I am horny!

On that note it’s back to work.  Lots of drama today, ready to go home and see my kids.  Curl up on the couch and call it a day.  Last Thursday was much more fun!